Gassed and Confused
by Star Saber21
Summary: Dipper has to pick Wendy up from the dentist, easy right? Wrong! Find out how Dipper deals with his flannel wearing crush whiles shes still under the effect of the laughing gas. Back at the Mystery Shack, the rest of the gang try to assemble Stan's newest purchase, key word being try.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome everyone to my first Gravity Falls story. I was very late to the party, but once I watched Gravity Falls for the first time, I loved it! Now sit back, relax and prepare to laugh.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or any of its characters.**

 **Gassed and Confused**

 **Chapter 1**

In the town of Gravity Falls stood the Mystery Shack. On the inside, the finishing touches were being made to a new addition to the shack.

"Ah, nothing like the satisfaction of putting something together with your own two hands." Stan smiled while looking at blueprints for smoothy machine. He lowered them to see what resembled some kind of elaborate metal trap, that had caught Soos by the neck, torso and legs.

"Ah Mr Pines, I think we skipped a step." He said.

Stan sighed. "Come on guys, the summers hot and people are gonna pay big money to cool down with top brand smoothies!"

"Okay heres everything wrong with that sentence." Dipper began counting them off. "This is not a popular brand, this is a knock off, of a knock off brand that you bought from a guy who was not only named Shifty, but literally had the word shifty tattooed on his body."

"Hey don't disrespect shifty." Stan said. "Hes sold me lots of quality stock over the years."

Dipper raised an eyebrow. "You mean like that air conditioner that spewed fire?"

Stan ignored the example. "Besides putting this thing together ourselves is gonna save us a pretty penny. All we gotta do is follow the instructions."

"I don't think these instructions are in human." Mabel said turning the assembly instructions upside down.

Suddenly Soos'es phone rang, "I better get that." He tried to shake himself free, but his phone fell out of his pocket.

"I got it," Mabel picked it up and answered it. "Hello! Soos'es phone, Mabel speaking." She listened for a moment, "it's the Gravity Falls Dentistry office."

"Oh uh," his eyes widened. "I told Wendy I'd pick her up from the dentist." He started struggling to get free. "Nope, this things got me good. Mr Pines could you pick her up?"

"I would, but in addition to not wanting to, I'm not allowed with in fifteen feet of the Gravity Falls Dentistry office." Stan explained.

"What?" Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Me and the dentist there had what the law calls an, altercation." Stan said with air quotes.

"What kind of altercation?" Mabel asked, matching the air quotes.

"Uh," Stan's eyes darted back and forth. "I'll tell you when your older."

"Thais is bad dudes. Her dad and brothers went out of town today, theres no one else to pick her up." Soos pointed out.

Dipper thought for a moment. "What if I just took the golf cart? I could pick her up and take her home."

"Hmm," Stan placed a hand under his chin. "If I were a more responsible guardian, I'd probably think this through a little more. But since I'm not," he dropped the keys into Dippers hand. "Have fun, and try not to hit any pedestrians."

"Will do," Dipper nodded before running out the door.

"Don't worry Soos," Mabel placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "We won't stop until we find a way to get you out of there." Then she noticed a green button, "hey whats this button do?" She pressed the button and gears were heard moving. A moment later a lever with a hook on it ripped Soos'es pants off.

"What was that ripping noise?" Soos asked. "I can't see from this angle. And is it just me, or did it get kinda drafty in here?"

"Must be you imagination," Stan assured him. "No more buttons," he whispered to Mabel. "Soos can't afford to lose anything else."

It didn't take Dipper long to get into town and find dentists office. He pulled up outside the and once inside he approached the receptionist at her desk. "Ah hi. Dipper Pines, I'm here to pick up Wendy Corduroy."

The woman looked up from her papers and raised an eyebrow at him. "You seem a bit young."

Before Dipper could respond, a door opened and the dentist walked out. "Did you say you're here for the Corduroy girl?"

"Ah yeah." Dipper walked over. "She a friend of-" he stopped when he looked in to see Wendy sitting in the dental chair and had the dentists assistant in a headlock.

"Come on Frank," she said giving him a noogie. "Say uncle."

"Stop that, and I told you my name is Carl." He tried in vein to break free from her grip.

"Dipper!" Wendy dropped the assistant to the floor, knocking over a tray of dental tools and metal gas tank. "Whats up man?"

"Ah, I'm here to take you home." He blinked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm awesome!" She smiled, her eyes were only half open. "Does anyone else smell hotdogs?"

"As you can see, shes still under the effects of the gas." The dentist explained. "Are you actually Dipper?"

"Ah yeah, that's me." He scratched the back of his head. "We're friends."

"Good enough for me." The dentist brought Wendy out of the office. "She is now officially your responsibility. But don't worry, the gas should wear off in a couple of hours. My advice is get her home and put her to bed so she can sleep it off."

"Got it," Dipper nodded before turning to Wendy, "Lets go Wendy, I've got the golf cart parked outside."

"Sweet," she walked past them. "Lets roll!" She grabbed the door knob, but couldn't open the door.

"It's a pull," the receptionist said.

"Its cool, I got this." Wendy waved it off before kicking the door open. "Told you I got this. Lets go," she stepped through it.

"Everytime we treat a Corduroy they damage this office." The dentist sighed.

"I'll send the bill to her father." The receptionist said.

"Still," he shrugged. "Its not as bad a when we have to sedate Manly Dan," he picked up a large mallet from behind the door.

"Are you saying you saying you use a mallet to knock out Wendys dad?" Dipper gasped.

"Don't be ridiculous," the dentist said before leaving the mallet down. "We use the big mallet."

Dipper blinked, then heard the sound of chairs being tipped over and something made of glass breaking. "I'd better check on that." With that he ran out of the office after her.

 **Not a bad start huh? Shouldn't be too long until chapter two is ready. Oh and if any of you are wondering about the cover image for this story, I bought it at Comic-Con. If you've never been to one, you have to go because it is AWESOME!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Happy to see the positive reviews for the first chapter. I try very hard to keep everyone in character.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or any of its characters.**

 **Gassed and Confused**

 **Chapter 2**

"Wendy get down from there!" Dipper snapped.

"WOOOOO!" Wendy cheered as she stood on the back of the cart holding onto the bars as they drove.

"Argh" Dipper sighed. Ever since he'd picked her up, Wendy had been acting crazy. No common sense or self control, kinda reminded him of Mabel.

He came to a stop by the sidewalk. "Faster!" Wendy cheered, seemingly oblivious to the fact they weren't moving anymore.

"Come on Wendy," Dipper got out of the cart. "Its time to sit down so I can take you hom-" he stopped when he saw she was gone. "Seriously!?" He nearly shouted.

He jumped back into the cart and started driving away. "Okay think," he said to himself. "Wendy's loopy from the gas, she couldn't have gotten far." He then heard screaming and something landed on the carts roof. "What the?" He pulled over and looked up to see it was a person. "Toby Determined?"

"Oh marbles." He said before rolling off the roof and falling to the ground.

"Where'd he come from?" Dipper then noticed a crowd gathered on the sidewalk.

"Oh too bad for Toby," Bud Gleeful shook his head. "But don't that scare any of you. Step on up and see if you can last against, the Bull Ride of Terror!" He gestured to a mechanical bull ride with a sinister metal bull head on the front. "How about you young lady?"

"Hmm, sounds like fun," Wendy said with her eyes half closed.

"Wendy!" Dipper rushed over. "Come on, your in no shape to ride a bull, mechanical or otherwise."

"Are you sure about that?" Bud asked. "Theres a very special prize for anyone who can last thirty seconds on this mighty beast."

"Hmm," Wendy thought for a moment. "Okay, I'll get on the bull. But on one condition." She wrapped an arm around Dipper. "My buddy here rides it with me."

"Wait what?" Dipper blinked.

"Sure, why not." Bud shrugged.

"Sweet, come on Dipper." She grabbed his arm and pulled him over to the bull, setting him down on it before sitting behind him. "Lets ride!"

"Hold on tight, and I mean that literally." Bud pressed a button and the bull began to slowly buck.

Dipper grabbed hold of the reins with both hands and Wendy did the same. Dipper felt his face heat up from how close they were, but before he could linger on it, the bull began bucking faster. "Oh boy."

"Yeah!" Wendy cheered. "Faster!"

"Whatever the lady wants," Bud said before the bull began bucking so fast Dipper could barely hold on. Wendy on the other hand, let go with one hand and held it in the air while laughing. Bud looked at his watch, "and that's thirty seconds! Congrats you've won the prize!" He pressed a button, but nothing happened.

"Ah if we won, shouldn't you be turning this thing off?" Dipper asked.

"Hmm," Bud pressed button again but nothing happened. "That's strange. Shifty said just push this button to make it stop."

"Wait," Dipper blinked. "Did you say shifty?" The bulls eyes then glowed bright red and steam poured out of its nostrils. "Oh no."

The bull began bucking dangerously fast and Dipper held on for dear life. Wendy on the other hand was having a blast. "WOOOOO!"

Steam stared spraying from different parts of the bull as the bucking got faster and more random, making the crowd take a few steps back as it started shaking. "That can't be good." The bull then bucked upwards so hard, the seat broke off sending it, Dipper and Wendy flying through the air. With the former screaming and the latter laughing.

"Oh dear," Bud tugged his caller. "I'll mail you your prizes!"

The Woodpecker guy was walking through the park with his wife on his shoulder. "There, we're out in the fresh air. Happy now?" The woodpecker just chirped. "There is just no pleasing you!" The Woodpecker flew off his shoulder, "now what?" He was then knocked to the ground when Dipper landed on him.

"Ow," Dipper sat up. "Ah, sorry." He got to his feet.

The Woodpecker flew back landing in front of her husbands face and chirped. "How is this my fault?" The Woodpecker proceeded to peck his nose. "OW!"

"Okay," Dipper backed away from the strange scene. "I'm just gonna go." With that he ran off. "Wendy! Wendy!" He called out as he looked for her. "WENDY!"

"DIPPER!" He jumped back and looked up to see Wendy in the tree. "Why are we yelling?"

"Wendy! Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm great," she smiled. "Wasn't that ride awesome?"

"Ah sure," Dipper looked away for a moment. "That's the word I'd use. Anyway, how about you come down from there and we head to your house?"

"Aww, but we just got here," Wendy moaned, "hey look." She pointed to a parked police car which Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland standing next to and drinking coffee.

"Blubs and Durland?" Dipper raised an eyebrow. "What about them."

"Those guys are so dumb," she laughed. "Once, me and my friends stole their car and uniforms while they were playing dress up in the high school gym."

"Seriously?" Dipper asked.

"Yeah the doors were left open, wide open!" Wendy held her arms out, almost losing her balance but grabbed the branch she was on. "Even left the keys in the ignition."

"Wow," Dipper looked back at the two, "Those guys really are not good at their jobs."

Wendy gasped. "You should prank them!"

"Wait what?" Dipper asked.

"You should totally prank them," she repeated. "Come on it'd be so funny!"

"Wendy I can't prank cops." Dipper said.

"Sure you can man," Wendy smiled. "Your like one of the smartest people I've ever met."

Dipper blushed at the compliment, "ah thanks." He coughed into his fist. "But seriously I'm not gonna prank the cops."

"Okay, then I'm not coming down." Wendy shrugged.

"What?" Dippers eyes widened.

Wendy gripped the branch she was on. "I'm not coming down unless you prank them."

Dipper looked at her. "You can't be serious."

"Yeah I can," she smiled. "I just don't want to," she started snickering.

"Oh come on!" Dipper said in frustration. He walked away mumbling to himself and trying to think of a plan when he bumped into someone.

"Oh hey Dipper," Tambry said while texting.

"Tambry, man am I glad you're here. Listen I've got a situation here." Dipper began.

"Wendy was at the dentist and they gassed her. So now shes totally out of it and acting crazy?" Tambry said without looking up from her phone.

"Oh," Dipper blinked. "Yes exactly. Wait, has this happened before?"

"Everytime shes ever had a filling." She shrugged.

"Well right now shes in that tree and won't come down." Dipper pointed. "Unless I prank Blubs and Durland."

"You gotta do what she wants," she said simply.

"But-" Dipper tried but she cut him off again.

"Trust me, I've seen this enough times. The only way to get her outta the tree, is to do what she asked." Tambry explained. Then looked up as if she was thinking of something. "Or get a tranq gun. That's what they did with Manly Dan once. "Later," she then walked off.

Dipper watched her go then looked up at Wendy who gave him a big wave, almost falling out of the tree in the process. She gripped the branch again and chuckled. Dipper looked at the cops and sighed. "Maybe I should have stayed and helped with the smoothy machine."

The Mystery Shack

Mabel held up the blueprints and inspected them. "Hmm, I think we're getting closer." She lowered it to see a new metal trap, with Stan locked in metal stocks and Soos held in a metal drum slowly spinning around. "Maybe?"

"Dudes, I don't feel so good." Soos said looking a little green.

"Soos don't you dare puke on my floor." Stan warned.

"If he barfs, the floors not the only thing hes gonna hit." Mabel chuckled.

"What?" Stan raised an eyebrow, looked at Soos and realised his was with in vomit distance. "Mabel! DO SOMETHING!"

"Ah," Mabel looked around and saw a blue button and pressed it. A metal plate slid open and a rod with a boxing glove on it shot out, punching Stan in the face. "OW!"

"Oops," Mabel winched. "Wait, why would a smoothy machine have punch somebody in the face button?"

Suddenly Stanford walked in. "Stanley I know this is a long shot, but do have any carbon rods in the house?" He then noticed what was happening, "uh whats going on?"

"Grunkle Ford!" Mabel smiled. "Perfect timing."

"Please help." Soos begged. Ford approached the machine and opened a panel with a screwdriver before disconnecting a cable. The drum stopped turning, with Soos right side up. "Oh man, thank you."

"Don't mention it," Ford said. "What is this contraption?"

"Just a little assembly trouble." Stan said. "No big deal."

"Grunkle Stan bought a smoothy machine, but the instructions don't make any sense." Mabel explained. "Think you could help us out."

"You've come to the right person." Ford Smiled, then placed a hand under his chin. "Technically I came to all of you, but that doesn't matter. I'll have this assembled and working better than ever."

"Yeah!" Mabel through her arms out with a cheer, accidentally hitting the blue button again. The boxing glove shot out, this time punching Ford and knocking him to the ground.

"HAHAHA!" Stan laughed. "What do you know? It is working better."

The Park

Dipper looked from behind a tree as he observed the two cops drinking their coffee. "This is a bad idea," he said to himself. He looked back at Wendy in the tree who gave him a big smile and a thumbs up. "Here goes nothing." He approached the two. "Afternoon Officers, hows the coffee?"

"Its really hot!" Durland said loudly.

"Kid we're on a break right now," Blubs explained. "So unless you're here to report a crime, I'm gonna have to ask you to move along."

"Oh, well then I guess I'll be going then. Hey is that guy jaywalking?" Dipper pointed.

"Huh?" They both look, and Dipper discreetly placed a tiny stick on Blubs hat.

"Oh sorry, they were just regular walking." He said quickly. "My bad. Hey is that a spider?"

Durland turned and saw the stick on his partners hat, and it did look like a long legged spider. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! SPIDER!" He drew his night stick and swung it down on his partners head. This caused him to spit the hot coffee he was drinking into Durland's face. "AAAAHHHH! IT BURNS!" He raised the night stick again.

Blubs raised his hands, "wait, wait!"

Durland swung the night stick down on Blubs head again, "I'll get it!" He swung again, hitting his shoulder then his head again. Blubs turned and ran, but Durland ran after him. "Come back! It might be poisonous!"

Dipper chuckled to himself. "Well, that was easy." He then felt someone lightly punch his shoulder.

"DUDE!" Wendy laughed. "That was hilarious!"

"Thanks," Dipper said while wondering how she snuck up on him like that. "Durland's fear of spiders did most of the work.

Wendy tried to open the car door. "Its locked."

"Guess they're learning," Dipper said. But then noticed the keys were still in the ignition. "Or not."

"They locked themselves out," Wendy chuckled.

"Hilarious," Dipper said quickly. "So, now that they're pranked, lets get going."

"Sure," Wendy took Dippers hand and lead him along the path.

He felt himself blush from holding her hand. "Her hands are so soft. Be cool Dipper," he mentally told himself. "Be cool." It was then he realised something, they were going the wrong way. "Ah Wendy, the golf carts that way."

"Yeah, but this place is right here." She stopped right outside the biker joint, Skull Fracture.

"Ah, Wendy-" Dipper began but Wendy cut him off.

"My Dad goes here all the time," she said. "Always wondered what the place is like on the inside."

"Wendy I'm pretty sure it illegal for use to be in there." He said, not mentioning the time he and Mabel got in using googly eyed fake ID's.

Suddenly a small Grunkle Stan with devil horns, a tail, a pitch fork and a red cape appears on Dippers right shoulder. "Remember what I always say Dipper. When theres no cops around, everything is legal."

Then a mini Mabel appeared on his other shoulder, also dressed as a devil. "Don't do it Dipper. You know better. I mean sure we both used fake IDs to get in there once, but that was for justice, and mystery." She said the last part while wiggling her fingers.

"Wait, shouldn't you be the angel on my shoulder?" Dipper asked.

"I am the angel on your shoulder," she said.

He raised and eyebrow, "then why are you dressed as a devil?"

"Cause I look adorable in anything." She smiled.

"Gotta hand it to her." Devil Stan admitted. "She really does."

A small Soos then appeared on his left shoulder, wearing a hotdog costume. "Soos? Why are you here?" Dipper asked. "And why are you dressed like a hotdog?"

"My masked wrestler costume is in the wash." He said simply. "Besides, who doesn't love hotdogs?"

Then a diminutive duo of Blubs and Durland appeared on his right shoulder, both dressed as bottles of ketchup. "Really? Why are you both ketchup?"

"We were supposed to be ketchup and mustard, but somebody brought the wrong costume." Blubs said while glaring at his partner.

"All that yellow hurt my eyes." Durland said.

Ford appeared on his left shoulder dressed as a pirate. "Dipper, I think you might have some issues."

"Hey poindexter, the eye patch is my thing!" Stan snapped.

Then Old Man McGucket appeared on his right shoulder dressed as little bow peep. He looked around, "Wait, why is everybody else dressed up? There must have been something wrong with the squirrel stew."

"Okay," Dipper looked straight ahead with wide eyes. "Clearly I do have some issues."

"Dude," Wendy leaned down. "Whats with all the little people on your shoulders?"

"She sees us. SCATTER!" Devil Stan shouted and they all disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"I should probably look into that later." Dipper thought to himself before taking a moment to shake his head clear. "As I was saying, we don't have ID's." Dipper pointed out.

"Pssh," Wendy waved it off. "Chill, I got this." She pulled him towards Tats, the bouncer who stood by the door. "Hey bro," she said getting Tats attention. "Look," she pointed, "we're over there."

"What?" He blinked before turning around to look.

"Boosh," Wendy whispered before pulling Dipper into the biker joint.

 **Remember the Woodpecker guy? I'd say that's one of the weirdest things of all. And what Wendy said about stealing Bubs and Durlands car, it actually happened in a Gravity Falls short. Many of you are probably wondering about Dipper seeing tiny people appear on his shoulder, and Wendy being able to see them two. Well, you'll have to keep reading to find out.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Welcome to chapter 3, please prepare yourselves for humor, and lots of it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or any of its characters.**

 **Gassed and Confused**

 **Chapter 3**

Skull Fracture

The bar patrons were drinking, talking, playing pool and darts, but most of all they were beating the snot out of each other.

"Huh," Wendy placed her hands on her hips. "Nice."

"Yeah," Dipper said nervously as a chair was thrown against a the wall. "This place hasn't changed a bit."

"Come on," she took his hand and led him to the bar. They took each took a seat before the bartender turned to them and raised an eyebrow.

"Should you two be in here?" He asked.

"We're here aren't we?" Wendy pointed out.

"Fair enough." The bartender shrugged. "So what'll it be?"

"Just two sodas," Dipper said quickly. The bartender served them and walked away. "Ah, cheers."

"Cheers," Wendy smiled before taking a sip. "Place looks pretty cool right?"

"Ah," Dipper winched as a biker was thrown over their heads, which Wendy didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, cool."

Wendy turns to the biker sitting a few seats away from them. "Sup dude?"

Bats Biker bares his teeth and snarls at them.

Wendy narrowed her eyes and grit her teeth before snarling back, then starts laughing. "I think I get why my dad likes this place so much." She looked around. "Hey, they got darts!" Wendy got up and headed over.

"Man I hope her dad doesn't show up." Dipper said to himself. Suddenly a small Manly Dan appeared oh his right shoulder. Sitting in a big fancy wooden chair, wearing a fancy robe and fez on his head, while smoking a fancy pipe. "Okay, I just thought of you, so you appearing makes sense." Dipper rationalised. "But why are you dressed like that?"

"How should I know?" He stood up. "I'd never touch these filthy things," he waved the pipe. "This stuff will KILL YA!" With that he threw the pipe across the room, it hit one large biker in the back of the head and he fell on top of a much smaller biker, both were unconscious.

Dipper blinked in confusion. "How did-"

"Now listen," Manly Dan cut him off. "My kids are the most important thing in the world to me. I love em even more than my axes, and I love my axes! You better get Wendy home safe and sound. Cause if anything happens to her," he pulled a large axe from behind his back and swung it, chopping the chair in half. "I'll do that. But instead of a chair, it'll be you!"

"I got that part." Dipper gulped.

"Good," Manly Dan put his axe away, "now hand me a peanut." Dipper reached a bowl on the counter, taking a peanut and handing it to Manly Dan. He took it in his hands and took a big bite. "Salty!" With that he disappeared.

"How did he knock someone out and take a peanut with him?" Dipper asked out loud. "He wasn't real. Right?" He asked Bats Biker who just looked at him funny before standing up and walking away.

Dipper took a big sip of his soda before getting up and moving over to join Wendy at the dartboard.

"Hey dude check this out," Wendy held up three darts and closed her eyes. "I'm not even gonna look." With that she threw all three darts at once, and they all missed the dart board. One hit the wall, another fell in someone's drink and the last one hit a biker in the butt making him yell in pain. "So how'd I do?" She asked.

The biker pulled the dart out and turned around with a snarl. He saw a biker take out the dart that had landed in his drink and narrowed his eyes. "Hey!" He marched over.

"Huh?" the other biker turned just in time to be punched in the face and fall back onto a table where other bikers were sitting and breaking it and causing their drinks to splash in their faces. The angry bikers stood up and charged at the first biker and within a few seconds, a full blown bar fight had erupted.

"Oh boy," Dipper panicked.

"Dipper, seriously," he turned to see Wendy still had her eyes closed. "How'd I do?"

Dipper grabbed Wendy's arm and pulled her to the floor to avoid a chair that had been thrown. They moved under a table and looked out at all the chaos.

"Well, that escalated quickly." Dipper observed.

"Whoa," Wendy opened her eyes, "how'd this happen?"

"Ah," Dipper hesitated.

"Hold it," Wendy looked at Dipper. "You've been here before?"

Dipper blinked, "what?" Suddenly the table was tipped over "We should go!" Grabbing Wendy's hand, they ran for the door but Tats walked in.

"You two!" He spotted them.

"Uh oh," Dipper gulped. "Ah, look we're over there!" He pointed off to the side.

"I'm not gonna fall for that again!" He snapped.

"Fall for what again?" Wendy asked.

Dipper began to panic, then Shandra Jimenez appeared on his left shoulder dressed like a traffic warden. "Shandra Jimenez, coming to you, live from your subconscious. Dipper, it seem your in deep, deep trouble." She looked at Tats, "judging from his size I'd say your injuries will include, a concussion, cracked ribs, missing teeth, ruptured spleen-"

Pacifica Northwest appeared on his right shoulder dressed as a chief. "There is such a thing as too much ya know." She thought for a second, "except for money. Theres no such thing as too much money." She looked at her and smirked, "nice outfit by the way."

"Whites really not your colour," she shot back.

Pacifica looked down at her clothes. "Ugh, couldn't have imagined me in something more stylish?" She asked Dipper.

"Are you guys gonna help me or just keep talking?" Dipper asked in annoyance.

Tats looked at him talking to his no one, then looked to Wendy. "Who is he talking to?" He asked her.

Wendy looked at Tats in confusion, "who is who talking to?"

"Well?" Dipper asked impatiently.

"Easy, just pay him off." Pacifica said like it was obvious.

"He doesn't have that kind of money." Shandra explained.

"Oh, then I got nothing," the Northwest shrugged.

"Gah!" Dipper groaned and they both disappeared off his shoulders. "What would Grunkle Stan do?" He asked himself. Then a biker landed beside them, unconscious and with two darts sticking in his back. "That's it!" He pulled the darts out, "catch!" He tossed one dart into the air and towards Tats. While he was distracted catching it, Dipper threw the other dart at the biggest biker in the place and it hit him right in the butt.

"OW!" The biker pulled the dart out and turned to see Dipper and Wendy, the former pointed at Tats who was holding the other dart. With an angry yell he tackled Tats and they began fighting.

"And we're outta here!" Dipper grabbed Wendys hand and they ran out of the biker joint. They kept running until they were far enough away from Skull fracture and stopped to catch their breath.

"That, was, AWESOME!" Wendy cheered. "How'd you know that would work?"

"I have my moments," he said humbly.

"Forget moments," Wendy lightly punched his arm. "I said it before dude, your one of the smartest people I've ever met."

Dipper blushed again, "thanks." He turned to face her and saw that she was kneeling down and they were now face to face, and his blush grew stronger. "That, means a lot."

Wendy and Dipper looked into each others eyes, then she let out a loud, "BUUURRRPPPPP!" The belch was strong enough to knock off Dippers hat. "I think I drank all that soda too fast."

"Yeah," Dipper stood there for a moment without moving. "I can feel that burp in my eyes." He said quietly before rubbed his eyes, "Ok, we need to find the golf cart."

"Found it." Wendy pointed across the street where it was parked.

"Huh, finally some convenience." Dipper smiled. "Come on," Once they were both in, they drove off. "Finally, back on the road and no more distractions."

Wendy tapped his shoulder, "I gotta use the bathroom."

"What?" Dipper blinked. "Why didn't you go before we left."

"I didn't need to go then," she said like it was obvious.

"Can you hold it?" Dipper asked, "it was just one soda."

Wendys eyes looked to the side, "actually,"

 _(Flashback)_

 _Inside Skull Fracture, while Dipper was busy talking to the hallucination on his shoulder, Wendy came back to the bar. "Hey, can I get three more sodas?"_

 _"Didn't I just give you one?" The bartender asked._

 _Wendy grinned, "I drank it."_

 _The bartender just rolled his eyes and handed her the bottles of soda, "as long as you remember to pay for them."_

 _"No worries man," Wendy took the sodas. "I'll remember." with that she started drinking one and walked away._

(Present Time)

"Guess I forgot," she said.

"Are you sure you can't hold it?" Dipper looked at her. Wendy was holding herself, biting her lip and looking at him with a pleading expression. "Fine," he sighed before looking around, "wheres the closest bathroom?"

"I don't know, but hurry!" Wendy begged.

"Bet the other aren't having this much trouble," he mumbled to himself.

The Mystery Shack

"Nice going poindexter." Stan said sarcastically. "Its really working better than ever."

The machine now had two robotic arms. One of which had Soos in a headlock on the floor while Mabel hit it with a hammer to try and make it let go. The other arm was turning a winch, that was turning a metal rod that Stan and Ford were tied to, over an open flame like rotisserie chicken.

"If you had told me this was a knock off, of a knock smoothy machine I wouldn't have used those upgrades." Ford shot back. "I mean seriously. Who buys a knock off, of a knock off?"

"Somebody that has a business to run," Stand said.

"Right now, maybe it's a good thing we don't have any costumers." Soos observed as he struggled to break free.

"Don't worry Grunkles and Soos," Mabel said. "We'll get you outta there. Right Waddles?" The pig was chewing on the blue prints.

"So," Ford sighed. "After surviving thirty years being stranded between dimensions, this is how I die. I honestly didn't see it coming."

"Drama queen." Stan rolled his eyes, but then sniffed the air. "Hey, we actually smell pretty good."

Back in town, the Golf cart pulled up in front of the Museum of History. "There should be one in here, you know this is actually where me and able found a clue to the real found-" he turned and saw the seat was empty. "Wendy?" He turned again and saw Wendy running up the steps. "Nevermind," he sighed before following her.

As Wendy came in through the door, a brown haired woman with a name tag that read Sue greeted her. "Hi there, welcome to the Gravity Falls Museum of-" she was cut off when Wendy grabbed her.

"Wheres the bathroom!?" She demanded.

Sue pointed, "down the hall to your left." Wendy nearly threw her to the ground as she ran for the bathroom. Dipper entered seconds later, "Are you with her."

"What? No, no we're just friends." Dipper said quickly. "I mean yeah, we're really close and hang out all the time and, that's not what you meant is it?"

"Nope," she shook her head. "But either way, you'll have to pay for admission."

"Um," Dipper looked from side to side. "Hey!" He pointed, "that guys picking the buffalos nose."

"Argh! Not again!" Sue groaned before walking away. Dipper quickly ran after Wendy.

Soon he was pacing back in forth in front of the bathroom. "Okay, as soon as Wendy comes out, I've got to get her home. No more distractions, gotta be firm, tough," he stood up straight and puffed his chest out and spoke with determination. "I can do this!" He then noticed a woman staring at him. "Just waiting for my friend," he chuckled nervously.

"Theres no one else in there," she pointed out.

"What?" The Pines twin asked. "Are you sure? Shes got long red hair and wearing a green flannel shirt?"

"Her?" She raised an eyebrow before turning and walking away. "She left like ten minutes ago."

"Ten minutes!" Dipper gasped. "How long was I talking to myself?"

The former leader of the Blind Eye Society appeared on his right shoulder dressed as a rodeo clown. "Too long."

Dipper raised an eyebrow, "You? Really?"

"Yep, its me, Toot-Toot McBumbersanzzle!" He smiled brightly before taking out his banjo and playing a tune.

"Oh yeah your memory got completely wiped," Dipper remembered.

"What?" He asked.

"Don't worry about it," the Pines twin told him.

"Okie dokie," he smiled. "But seriously you should find your friend quickly. In her state theres no telling what she'll do. She could remove a rib from a triceratops and use it to knock down a giant blue whale."

Dipper stared at him for a moment, "that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." He then thought for a moment, "that's one of the dumbest things I've," he thought again. "Just get out of here!"

"You got it" With that Toot-Toot McBumbersanzzle disappeared.

Dipper ran through the museum, "Come on Wendy where are you?" he turned a corner and froze at what he saw.

Several of the displays mannequins heads had been switched. Women in old timey dresses had heads of men with long beards.

"That's not a good sign," he sighed.

"Yo Dipper! He turned and saw Wendy standing next to a dinosaur skeleton, "check it out." Dipper looked closer and his eyes widened. The inside of the rib cage was stuffed with mannequins, stuffed animals, mining tools and even a couple of musical instruments. "Guess someone was real hungry," she laughed.

"Yeah," Dipper approached her.

"What else?" She looked around.

"An I think you've done enough." Dipper said.

Wendy thought for a second. "Maybe your right." Dipper sighed in relief, "you do one."

He blinked, "what?"

"We'll do one of your pranks." Wendy said.

"Come on, I already pranked Blubs and Duland." He pleaded.

"And it was hilarious!" Wendy held her arms out for emphasis. "Come man, just one. You know you wanna."

Dipper really didn't, but he now knew it might be the faster way to get out of here. "Fine," he thought for a moment and looked around. "Got it."

A couple of minutes later they were placing the sabre-toothed tiger inside the mens room. "There we go," Dipper patted its side. "A guy walks in and sees this baby, there gonna need a clean up in the mens room."

"Dude, you are a natural," Wendy said.

"Thanks," Dipper smiled. "We should get going before someone notices."

"Who switched the mannequins heads!?" A voice was heard shouting. "And wheres sabre-toothed tiger!?"

"Like that," Dipper gulped. He grabbed her hand, "come on."

"But we didn't see it scare anyone yet." Wendy pointed out.

"Oh I'm sure we'll hear it," Dipper assured her. They ran for the entrance but stopped and hid behind a corner when they spotted Dorland walk in.

"Excuse me, have you seen my partner?" He asked. "I need to find him quick before that spider bites him."

"He still hasn't figured out it was a stick?" Dipper raised an eyebrow while Wendy chuckled.

"No but I'm glad you're here." Sue said. "Someones been messing with the exhibits."

Dorland stepped forward, "Sorry Blubs, but duty calls!" He drew his night stick and headed in their direction.

"Ah crud," Dipper shrugged before grabbing Wendys hand and ran.

"He said duty," she chuckled.

They ran past the bathrooms and hid behind a vending machine. Dorland came around the corner, "hmm," he walked inside the mens room "AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Dipper and Wendy both laughed at the wound of Durlands terrified screams before they got moving again. The Deputy ran out of the mens room taking deep breaths. But spotted someone run around the corner. "Hey! Get back here!" He ran after them.

He turned the corner into another group of exhibits. One of which had a young boy in holding a bucket and a tall man with a long red bead and moustache holding a pickaxe, both wearing pioneer clothes. "Hello?" Durland looked around but saw no one. "I could have sworn I saw somebody run this way," he scratched his head and shrugged turning. He took a few steps and then "Burp!" Durland jumped in fright, dropping his nightstick in the process. He spun around and looked where it had come from, the pioneer display. He narrowed his eyes and slowly approached, watching closely until he was right in front of the display, "now what is going on here?"

He got his answer when one of the figures moved, raising its pickaxe and roaring at him.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Durland screamed louder than ever before turning around and running away while yelling. "OLD MAN MCGUCKET WAS RIGHT! THE WAX FIGURES ARE ALIVE!"

When he was out of sight, Wendy pulled her hair out of her face and held her sides laughing, "did you see the look on his face?"

"Yeah," Dipper dropped the bucket, before taking off the overalls and jacket before putting his cap back on. "Now lets go."

"Okay, okay," Wendy wiped away a tear before taking off the jacket and hat. "Lets roll."

They headed to the exit while sneaking past Sue who was trying to coach a terrified Durland out of the trash can he was hiding in. "Sir, you need get out of there."

"No!" He poked his head out, a banana peel on his head. "The wax man uprising is here!" With that he retreated back into the garbage.

 **Quite an eventful chapter wasn't it? I'm sure many of you figured it out, but the blue whale was a reference to How I Met Your Mother.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or any of its characters.**

 **Gassed and Confused**

 **Chapter 4**

"I'm hungry!" Wendy whined.

Dipper gripped the steering wheel tight in frustration, "you can get something to eat at your house, when we get there."

"But I'm hungry now," she said. "Can't we stop somewhere?"

"We've already made too many stops." Dipper said. Since he had picked Wendy up, he'd noticed her go different stages caused by the laughing gas. First she was loopy and relaxed. Then she was hyperactive and mischievous, those four sodas may have contributed to that. Now she was in a new stage, childish and whiney.

"Come ooonnnn!" She pleaded.

"Wendy if you don't settle down, I will turn this golf cart around." He threatened, then smiled. "That felt good to say."

"But if we turn around, how would we get to my house?" Wendy asked.

Dipper realised she was right, "and the feelings gone."

"Come ooooonnnnnn!" Wendy lightly pushes his shoulder, "please!"

Dippers eye started twitching as she kept pushing his shoulder. "Gah! Fine!" He turned the golf cart and pulled into a parking space in front of Greasy's Diner. "Lets go."

"Awesome!" Wendy jumped out of the cart.

"Taking Wendy to dinner," Dipper said to himself. "This is not how I pictured it."

The two of the entered the Diner and saw many people inside, some sitting at the counter and others at tables. "Oh hey there!" They were greeted by Lazy Susan. "Dipper, good to see you. Hows Stan?"

"Grunkle Stan is," Dipper paused trying to think of the right words, "still Grunkle Stan."

"That's nice," she smiled.

"We're just here for a quick bite." Dipper turned to Wendy, only to find she wasn't beside him. "Again!?"

"There she is." Susan pointed to the side where Wendy stood in front of the jukebox, staring at it in awe. "Boy, she really seems fascinated by how the records flip in the jukebox."

Dipper approached her. "Ah Wendy?" She didn't respond and just kept staring at the records. "Lets get a table." He took Wendy's hand and led her away, but she kept looking back at the jukebox.

Once they were both sitting at a table, they looked at the menus. "What are you getting?" Dipper asked.

"I have no idea." Wendy said looking at her menu in confusion, not realising she was holding it upside down. "I can't understand any of this." Dipper took the menu and turned it right side up, "oh that's better."

"The pancakes look good." Dipper said.

"Man I LOVE PANCAKES!" Wendy slammed her fists on the table in excitement.

"Me two," he chuckled at her excitement as Lazy Susan came back to take their order.

"So what'll it be?" She asked.

"PANCAKES!" Wendy shouted.

"We' take two orders of pancakes." Dipper said. "And a couple of root beers please."

"And bacon!" Wendy said with excitement.

Susan wrote the order, "okay then. PANCAKES with a side of bacon and two sodas. Coming right up." With that she walked away.

They were left in sitting there in silence until the Mystery twin tried to break it. "So, ah hows, um," key word being tried.

"So what weird stuffs been up lately?" Wendy asked suddenly.

"Huh, oh well lately I've been reading the first two journals." Dipper said. "Still hard to believe Grunkle Stan had the first journal the whole time. There is so much information and secrets in those two. Together they fill in a lot of gaps, and that's not even counting the hidden messages. Makes me wonder just how much is out there that we still have to discover."

"Whoa," Wendy gasped.

"I know," Dipper chuckled.

"That little thing is eating out of the trash can." She said.

"What?" Dipper saw Wendy looking out the window, he looked and saw a gnome with a white beard standing atop a trash can. He picked up a discarded piece of bacon and sniffed it before eating it. "Mmm," he turned around and saw Dipper and Wendy staring at him. "Shmebulock!" He panicked before jumping off of the trash can and landed on his face, but got up like nothing happened and ran away.

"Gnomes," Dipper observed. "They were actually the first things I encountered from the journal."

"Journal?" Wendy looked away from the window and at Dipper with a confused look. "What journal?"

Dipper stared at her a moment as he realised that she hadn't been listening to a word he'd been saying. "Don't worry about it."

Lazy Susan arrived with their food. "Here we go, two pancakes with a side of bacon and a couple of root beers to wash em down." She placed the plates in front of them. "Enjoy!" She walked away.

Wendy picked up the bottle of chocolate syrup and tried to put some on her pancakes, but nothing came out so she started shaking it. "Ah you need to take the cap off first." Dipper pointed out.

"Oh," Wendy held the bottle right side up and removed the cap. But she still squeezed it and syrup shot out of the bottle, over Dippers head and hit the man sitting one table away in the back of the head.

"HEY!" He spun around glaring at them.

"My bad dude." Wendy smiled sheepishly and the man just turned back before grabbing a napkin to clean off the syrup. Dipper and Wendy quickly dug in to their food. "Man, how good are these pancakes?"

"Awesome," Dipper took a bite. "Should definitely come here more often. That is when I'm not investigating and dealing with Mabel or Stans craziness. Sorry, I'm rambling." He scratched the back of his head. "Not the best at dinner conversation."

"Are you kidding?" Wendy sipped her soda. "I wish more of my dates were like this."

Those words made Dipper freeze and the bacon fell off his fork. "I need to use the bathroom," Dipper got up and entered the restroom. Wendy watched him go and looked around before shrugging and eating the bacon Dipper had dropped on the table.

Dipper went to the sink and splashed some water in his face. "Ok, she said she wish she'd had dates like this. That doesn't make this a date, does it? No!" He shook his head. Come on Dipper get your head on straight." Suddenly the late Mayor Befufftlefumpter appeared on his left shoulder dressed as a bullfighter. But another change was he was standing instead of sitting in his wheelchair. "Mayor Befufftlefumpter," Dipper said in surprise.

"Hello young man," he smiled.

"You, your dead." Dipper said.

"Thats right," he nodded.

"Ah," Dipper wasn't sure what to say, "whats thats like?"

"Oh its fantastic." Befufftlefumpter smiled. "This is the longest I've gone with out have to use the mens room in decades. Well by Mens room, I mean my wheelchair toilet."

Bud Gleeful appeared on Dippers right shoulder dressed as an leprechaun, pot of gold in hand. "Now its great to see you again Befufftlefumpter, we didn't need to hear that part."

"Yeah, that's nasty." The Mystery twin nodded.

"Fair enough," he smiled. "As for your conundrum, this looks like a simple lunch between friends."

"Yeah," dipper nodded. "Your right. Just two friends having lunch."

"Then again, its not uncommon for something between just friends to turn into something more." Bud pointed out.

"Really?" Dipper asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Preston Northwest appeared on his left shoulder, wearing a barrel held by suspenders. "What is this!?" He gasped. "I'm the richest man in Gravity Falls! I don't wear barrels." Dipper and the other small people stared at him for a moment before they burst out laughing at him.

"Looking good Northwest," Befufftlefumpter laughed.

"Fits your personality," Dipper smirked.

"Clearly this is due to your tiny mind." He pointed at Dipper. "Then again what can be expected from a low class commoner." He closed his eyes and laughed mockingly.

"Why you little!" Dipper reached over grabbing Northwest by the neck with his thumb and index finger, lifted him off his shoulder and began to strangle him.

Current Mayor Cutebiker appeared on his other shoulder dressed as Abraham Lincoln, beard and all. "Git 'em! Get 'em!" He chanted.

Dipper then noticed Tad Strange standing a few feet away, staring at him. "Do you mind?" He asked. "I'm trying to strangle a hallucination of someone I don't like!"

"Thats fine, Tad Strange needs to buy some bread." With that he left the restroom.

"That guy is so normal its weird." Dipper observed. "Now where was I?" Oh I remember," he resumed strangling Northwest for a few moments before he disappeared, followed by the late Mayor Befufftlefumpter and current Mayor Cutebiker.

"What in tarnation?" Bud saw his pot of gold was now a bucket of rocks. "What happened to my gold?" He then disappeared.

"Heh heh," Devil Stan walked out from behind Dippers head, holding the pot of gold. "Thanks Dipper, that was just the distraction I needed to switch the gold with the rocks."

"Your welcome," Dipper sighed at how accurately he imagined Stan.

"See yah," Stan then smirked. "Good with your date." With that he disappeared leaving Dipper blushing a little before face palming.

Dipper left the restroom and walked back to the table. "Welcome back dude," Wendy greeted him. "I was starting to worry you'd miss desert."

"Not a chance, what did you order?" He asked.

"Everything," She said.

"Huh?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I ordered every desert on the menu." Wendy said casually.

"You what?" Dipper gasped.

"Don't worry man, I didn't forget about you." She assured him, "I ordered one of everything for you two."

"How are we supposed to pay for all that!?" Dipper placed his hands at the sides of his head in panic.

"Chill dude," Wendy held up a fork with a pancake on it. "This will help." With that she shoved the pancake into his mouth.

"Thanks," he said with a mouth full of pancake. After chewing, Dipper gulped them down. "But its gonna take more than just pancakes to solve this."

"Oh, my bad." Wendy apologised before smiling and holding up the syrup bottle. "Forgot the syrup." Before Dipper could object, Wendy shoved the bottle in his mouth and filled it with syrup. "There we go," she pulled the bottle away.

Dipper swallowed the whole mouthful of syrup and gasped for air. "That's a lot of syrup." He coughed a few times until his breathing returned to normal. Grabbing the menu, he checked the price of the deserts and added up the total bill in his head. "Oh no. We're gonna need a-"

"Fire." Wendy cut him off.

"I was gonna say miracle," the mystery twin said before blinking. "Wait, why did you say fire?" Wendy pointed to the kitchen and through the window a blaze could be seen. "Uh oh."

"Does anybody else smell burning?" Lazy Susan sniffed the air before turning towards the kitchen and lifting her lazy eye open. "FIRE!"

That shout got everyones attention and at the sight of the fire, started to panic.

Dipper saw everyone panic and a light bulb went off in his head. "Fire! Everybody out!" He point to the exit. "Move! Move! Move!" He grabbed Wendys hand and ran for the exit with everyone else, but not before she grabbed the last of the bacon. Once outside they ran for the golf cart, but Wendy jumped into the drivers seat before Dipper could. "Ah Wendy maybe I should-" she grabbed his arm.

"Come on!" She pulled him into the cart before hitting the gas and the cart sped forward, into the woods.

"Maybe I should drive?" Dipper asked as they came dangerously close to a tree.

"Its cool, I know a short cut." Wendy turned to him with a smile, not noticing a dear walk into their path. Before they hit it, the cart swerved around it, much to Dippers relief and amazement as Wendy had been looking at him the whole time.

"How'd you do that?" He asked.

Wendy just looked at him confused, "How'd I do what?"

Dipper looked ahead with frown. "Don't worry about it."

The Mystery Shack

"I still stand by not paying for assembly!" Stan said before ducking as something tried to bite him. "Mostly."

The smoothy machine had changed once again. The two robot arms were now on its left side and trapped Mabel and Soos in an intense game of Double Dutch. On the right side, Stanford held up a trash can lid to shield himself from levers that lashed out at him with tools on the ends. The most notable change was a metal dragons head attached to the top of the machine that keep trying to bite Stan.

"Soos!" Stan swung a large wrench. "Why did you attach a dragon head to a smoothy machine!?"

"I thought it would look cool." Soos shrugged while skipping to avoid the rope. "You gotta admit, it really does."

"I admit nothing!" Stan snapped.

"Where did you even get a metal dragons head?" Stanford asked while blocking a power drill with the lid.

"You can get just about anything on the internet now a days." Soos chuckled, before looking to the Mystery twin beside him. "You holding up ok Mabel?"

"Are you kidding? This is a breeze." She replied with a bright smile. "This thing is messing with the Double Dutch champ of Eggbert Elementary!" She proceeded to skip over the ropes with ease.

The dragon head tried to bite Stan again but he shoved the wrench into its mouth, leaving it stuck open. "HA! Take that ya metal monstrosity!" It then applied more force and crushed the wrench before appearing to somehow swallow it. "Uh oh. Soos, your gonna need to buy a new wrench!"

Back with Wendy and Dipper, the golf cart came to a stop. "I thought you said you knew a short cut?" The Mystery twin asked.

"Yeah, to here." She gestured to the Royal Ragtime Theatre they had parked in front of. "I feel like a movie."

Wendy got out of the cart and headed for the door, but first stopped to look at the movie posters.

"Ah Wendy," Dipper approached her. "We really need to-"

"Oh how about this one." She cut him off and pointed to the poster of a large explosion in front of them.

"Combustion 2," Dipper read before raising an eyebrow. "The Explosive Sequel."

"Sounds awesome," Wendy grabbed his hand and pulled him into the movie theatre, passing the ticket booth.

"Freeze!" Someone yelled. They stopped and a skinny man in red blazer approached them. "What do you think your doing?"

"We're here to see a movie, duh." Wendy replied.

"Well then you have to buy a ticket from the booth outside." He said sternly.

"Ah sorry about that," Dipper spoke up. "Its just-" he tried to explain but was cut off.

"Now now kid." He said. "I'm addressing your babysitter."

"I'm not his babysitter, I'm his friend." Even under the effects of the gas, Wendy was already irritated by this guys attitude. "And who the heck are you anyway?"

"The manager," he said simply.

"Your not the Manager," Wendy said. "Thompson is the manger."

"I think you mean was the manager," he placed his hands on his hips. "Thompson was demoted after he was caught drinking popcorn butter again." He gestured to the snack stand where Thompson stood wearing a red vest.

"Hey Wendy, hey Dipper," he waved.

"Get back to work!" The new manager snapped. "As I was saying, you can't walk in here without getting a ticket. This is a professional establishment, and I've made have a strict set of rules that must be followed to the letter."

"Take it easy," Dipper held up his hands defensibly. "We'll get ti-"

"I said zip it!" The manger snapped. "I'm the one talking now! Not some yappy little brat!"

"NOBODDY DISSES MY FRIENDS!" Wendy shouted before punching him in the face hard enough to knock him off his feet and onto the ground, out cold. Dipper stood there, mouth agape at how his crush had just exploded and knocked a guy out. Wendy took a few deep breaths, "Like Grandpa Corduroy used to say. A big mouth usually attracts a big fist."

"That was awesome!" Thompson cheered. "That guys been a total jerk ever since the owner hired him." He placed two buckets of popcorn and two sodas on the stand. "On the house!"

"Sweet! Thanks man." Wendy smiled before she and Dipper took the snacks, before entering the screening room.

The owner of the theatre walked by and saw the manager on the floor. "Unbelievable! Asleep on the job and on the floor!" He shook his head. "When you wake up, consider yourself fired!"

Thompson ran over and asked hopefully, "Does that mean I can be manager again?"

"Fine," he sighed. "Just don't let me catch you drinking the popcorn butter again."

Yes sir!" Thompson smiled as his boss walked away. Thompson stood there for a few moments before his eyes darted back to the snack stand, mainly the tub of popcorn butter on the floor as he slowly backed towards it.

Dipper and Wendy were in their seats as the movie began. "They thought it was over, they thought they were safe." A man was shown making coffee and added milk, "They were wrong!" The moment the milk entered the coffee it exploded.

"Well, the move lives up to its name." Dipper said.

"Totally," Wendy nodded, not taking her eyes off the screen. "Whats it called again?"

A car was racing down the street as multiple explosions occurred at each side. A man wearing back sunglasses spoke into his phone. "We're running out of time!"

It cut to a lab where a woman in lab coat was looking into a microscope. "Just try and stay out of the blast radius." The microscope then exploded.

"What was she looking at?" Dipper asked. "Seriously they're giving no details about whats causing the explosions or even what the characters names are. Can't believe they call this a plot. Right?" He turned to Wendy to see her staring at the screen, seemingly hypnotised by the fiery explosions every few seconds.

Dipper just sighed and lay back in his chair when Robbie appeared on his right shoulder dressed as a mime. "What the heck dude?"

Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Aren't mimes supposed to be silent?"

"Don't try and change the subject!" Robbie pointed at him. "Taking Wendy to the diner and a movie. What happened to our cold war thing?"

"Cold war pact?" Dipper suggested.

"Yeah, that thing." Robbie nodded.

"That means we hate each other in silence." Dipper clarified. "More importantly, A. Wendy dumped you."

"She didn't dump me!" Robbie protested. "It was, ah conflict of interests."

"Dude," Dipper gave him a look. "I was there. She dumped you, big time."

"Whatever." He crossed his arms and looked away for a moment. "Ok but seriously, did you see how she one shot the manager?"

"Yeah that was crazy." Dipper responded, before thinking to himself, "and kinda hot." He shook his head. "Oh and B. Your just another hallucination, which I should really stop talking to."

Devil Mabel appeared on his left shoulder. "Ah come on Dipper, we're great company. Say, can I get some of that popcorn?"

Gideon appeared on his right shoulder in a black and white stripped prisoner uniform. "Dipper Pines." He narrowed his eyes. Then looked to the other shoulder and smiled. "Hey there Mabel." He waved, "red suits you."

"Bleh," The Mystery twin cringed.

"Huh, I see your sticking with the prison look. Definitely your style." Dipper quipped earning laughs from Robbie and Mabel.

"Oh, so I'm the criminal?" Gideon asked.

"Yes Gideon, that is exactly what you are." Dipper said.

"Well I'm not the one who ran out on paying their bills for sodas, admissions, lunch, and movie tickets." He counted them off.

"Whoa," Robbie blinked, "that's a lot."

"Thank you," Gideon looked him up and down. "Strange talking mime."

"We got the snacks for free." Dipper pointed out. But then did the math in his head. "Oh boy."

"Its okay Dipper, you were busy looking out for Wendy." Mabel assured him. "If it helps, Grunkle Stan would be so proud!"

The Mystery Shack

Stan held up a fold up chair as the dragon head bit into it. "That all you got!?" He snapped as he fought with it. "Your gonna have to do better than-" he paused with a paced out look on his face.

"Stanley, what is it?" Ford asked as he ducked to avoid a screwdriver that got stuck in the wall.

"I'm not sure. I just," he paused before smiling, "got this huge feeling of pride in Dipper."

"Ah Mr Pines, Dippers not here." Soos said, now sweating as the ropes they were jumping over were on fire.

"This is still nothing!" Mabel nearly shouted with determination.

Royal Ragtime Theatre

"He would be, wouldn't he." Dipper gained a small smile.

"Unbelievable!" Gideon snapped. "I got thrown in jail while people are proud of you?"

"Quit whining dude," Robbie spoke up. "You were spying on everybody in town. That seriously messed up."

"Respect your own Mime rules and stop talking." Gideon snapped again.

"I'm not a mime!" Robbie snapped back. "I'm a musician."

"Eh," Dipper and Mabel both waving their hands in a so-so manner.

"Thanks a lot." Robbie glared at them before pointing at Gideon. "At least I'm some little fake psychic spying weirdo."

"You take that back." Gideon demanded.

"Why don't you make me!" Robbie challenged.

"I just might!" Gideon snapped.

"Bring it!" Robbie dared him.

"HEY!" They all turned to see Wendy glaring at them. "QUIT TALKING DURING THE MOVIE!" She reached out, grabbing Gideon and Robbie and stuffing them in her soda cup before tossing it across the screening room.

As Wendy went back to watching the movie, mini Mabel poked her head out, having hid behind Dippers head. "Phew. You know I never noticed before, but Wendys pretty scary when shes mad. Oh well, good luck Dipping Sauce." With that she disappeared.

Later the man in the suit was standing by his car, drinking a coffee while watching the sunset. "Its finally over," he sipped his coffee which then exploded, taking up the whole screen. "The End?" appeared on screen the credits started rolling.

"That was awesome!" Wendy threw her hands up as they left the screening room. "Those explosions were huge and they came out of nowhere!"

"Yeah," Dipper rolled his eyes. "Why focus on plot with you can just have a tons more explosions?"

"Exactly! Wendy smiled.

Dipper opened his mouth to respond but tripped over something and fell onto the floor.

"You okay Dipper?" Wendy asked.

"I'm fine." He assured her. "Just tripped over-" he stopped when he saw he'd tripped over the manager, who was still on the floor out cold. Only change was his blazer was gone.

"Whys this guy sleeping on the floor?" Wendy asked.

Dipper looked at, amazed she couldn't remember she had knocked him out with a single punch not too long ago. Suddenly started to stir and regain consciousness. "Hes waking up." Dippers eyes widened and he grabbed Wendys hand. "We're outta here!" With that he pulled her away and out of the movie theatre.

"Argh what happened?" He placed a hand on his throbbing head. He then noticed someone standing above him. "Thompson?"

"That Mr Manager to you." Thompson pointed to his gold tag. "You were fired, so leave the premises before I have you removed."

The former manager just looked at him in confusion, "what?"

"Nate, Lee!" Thompson called and the two ushers ran over.

"Dude, you manager again." Nate smiled.

"Sweet." Lee hi-fived him.

"Thanks," Thompson smiled before pointing at the former manager at the floor. "Now get him outta here."

Nate and Lee picked him up by the arms and led him to the door before shoving him out. He stood there completely confused. "What just happened?"

 **Dinner and a movie, with a twist. If your wondering about the metal dragon head. I wanted something crazy, but that fit in the Gravity Falls style of crazy. Wendy staring at the jukebox was also a reference to How I Met Your Mother.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I haven't written a message like this in a while, but I'm very excited to share some big news. I recently attended a Taekwondo grading, but not just any grading, a Black Belt grading. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but now I can proudly say, I'M A BLACK BELT BITCHES! This is one of my greatest achievements and couldn't be happier.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or any of its characters.**

 **Gassed and Confused**

 **Chapter 5**

"We're here!" Dipper announced as the golf cart came to a stop outside Corduroy Cabin. "Finally!"

"Hey that's my place." Wendy said in surprise, apparently forgetting that has been their destination from the start.

"Ah yeah, what are the odds?" Dipper decided to play along. "Lets head inside."

"Sure," she shrugged before they both got out of the cart and went inside.

Dipper had been here many times before. Like when he comes over to watch bad horror movies with Wendy. "Soos was right, nobodies home." Dipper observed. "Come to think of it, where did your Dad and brothers go?"

"Not sure," Wendy shrugged. "Once I heard I'd have the place to myself I kinda stopped listening." With that she headed for her bedroom.

As he watched her go, something occurred to Dipper. "How is she still awake?" He asked out loud. "That gas hasn't even slowed her down."

Soos appeared on his right shoulder, with red stains on his hotdog costume. "Sup Dude."

"Oh hey Soos," Dipper greeted him before asking, "what happened to you?"

"I accidentally ran into Blubs and Durland, literally. And so," he wiped some the red off his suit and tasted it. "Ketchup on hotdogs."

"Well what do you think?" Dipper asked.

"Personally, I would have added mustard." Soos said simply.

"Not that." Dipper facepalmed. "Wendy not being brought down by the gas."

"Oh, that's easy." Soos waved it off. "You've seen how crazy strong Wendy is. That's why they needed to use such strong gas. Its probably that lumberjack DNA inside her."

Stanford appeared on Dippers left shoulder in his pirate costume. "Theres no such thing as lumberjack DNA. Though her stamina and strength are most likely inherited from her fathers genes."

"Yeah," Soos blinked, "like I said. Lumberjack DNA."

Ford just sighed. "Also all that soda she drank are a likely a factor."

"That makes sense," the mystery twin nodded before raising an eyebrow. "Now I just need to figure out why I'm seeing tiny people who aren't really there."

"I believe I can answer that." Dipper looked around. "Over here." He looked to his left shoulder and sees a medieval knights helmet. "Its me," it opened. "The head of wax Larry King."

"Sure," Dipper shut his eyes, "why not."

"Easy kid," he said. "I'm here to help you."

"How?" Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Do you double as a therapist?"

"Allow me to shed some light this situation." Larry Kings head began. "You see when you picked up your flannel wearing friend from the dentist, you didn't notice that her rough housing had knocked over the gas tank."

Dipper blinked as his mind flashed back to the dentists off and one of the gas tanks was knocked over onto the floor. "Your right."

"Of course I am." Larry Kings head said simply. "When it was knocked over, the tank sprung a leak, releasing the gas in small amounts. You must have inhaled some of it before you left. Just enough that combined with your fear, nerves and moral worries, manifested hallucinations of people you know. That for some reason appeared on your shoulders wearing strange costumes."

"Of course, nitrous oxide mixing with psychological stress." Stanford realised. "I should have figured it out. Of course I probably would have, if I was my real self and not a hallucination created by your subconscious."

"So, I'm not crazy?" Dipper asked.

"Not yet." Larry Kings head said before adding, "I would have shrugged my shoulders there, if I still had them.

"Dipper," Wendy called. "Can you quit talking to the tiny people on your shoulders and come into my bedroom?"

Dipper blushed at what he just heard. "Ah sure thing Wendy." Then he realised there was still one question. "But how come shes able to see all of you?"

"Seriously dude?" Soos chuckled while raising an eyebrow. "All the weird and crazy stuff you seen this summer and that has you stumped? This is Gravity Falls, some weird stuff just happens."

"Huh," Dipper blinked, "good point."

"We'll leave you to it." Ford said. "Just be careful. Wendys not in her right mind right now and given that she comes from a family of lumberjacks, this cabin is most likely full of axes."

"That wont happen," Dipper smiled nervously. "Will it?"

"Well if it does, just remember jump, dodge and run around the furniture to trip her up." Soos advised. Dipper stared at him, "it's how you beat the final boss in Axe House of Horror 2. Oh don't forget to check the fireplace for the secret power up." With that they all disappeared.

Taking a breath, Dipper headed towards Wendy's room. "No big deal, he told himself. "You've been in Wendy's room with her plenty of times." He walked into the room but Wendy wasn't there. "Wendy?"

Then heard her voice behind him. "Right here dude."

He turned to see Wendy standing there with an axe in her hand. "AAAAHHHHH!" Dipper screamed backing away only to trip over a shoe that was on the floor.

"Dude are you okay?" Dipper opened his eyes and saw Wendy leaning down to him, "you okay?"

"Ah," he then noticed the axe in her hand had a, bite taken out of it. "Did you, bite that axe?"

"Huh?" Wendy blinked before looking at the axe and chuckled. "Its not real, it's a candy axe." She took another bite.

"Candy axes?" Dipper raised an eyebrow. "That's a thing?"

"Oh yeah," Wendy smiled. "My Dad knows a guy." She held it out to him, "try it."

Dipper looked at the axe for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and took a bite. "Huh, not bad."

Wendy quickly finished the candy axe and sat on her bed before taking her hat off and fanned herself with it. "Is it just me, or is it really hot in here?"

"Well it is summer." Dipper shrugged before sitting on the bed with her. "Say what you will about Gravity Falls but it does get a lot of sunshine this time of year."

Yeah," Wendy nodded. "Hey can you take my shirt off?"

The entire cabin became so silent you could hear an pin drop. "What?" Dipper asked.

"Somethings up with my fingers," Wendy said as she tried to undo the buttons of her shirt. "Can't, get them open." But with no success. "Little help?"

Dipper stared at her for a moment slowly reached out towards her and touched the bottom button. He undid it and the one above it, his blush grows stronger and with each button. When he reached the buttons at her chest, his face was red as a tomato. With the last button undone, Wendy shrugged off her flannel shirt revealing her white tank top underneath. "Ah that's better," she stretched out her arms. "Thanks."

"No problem," Dipper said with a small break in his voice. "Well," he coughed into his fist. "I got you home in one piece despite a few, bumps in the road. I should head back to the Mystery Shack," he got off the bed, "see if they were able to get that Smoothy machine working." As Dipper began to walk away, Wendy grabbed him from behind and pulled and pulled him back from behind, back onto the bed and pulled him close against her before wrapping her arms around him.

"Don't go," she said hugging him. "Stay with me."

"Wow, shes really warm," Dipper thought to himself. "Focus Dipper!"

"You really are awesome Dipper." Wendy said softly before resting her head on his. "Your fun, reliable, and like the smartest person I know."

"Yep, that's me all right." Dipper tried to pry one of Wendys arms off of him, but with no success. "Man shes strong." He thought to himself. "Soos may have been onto something with that lumber jack DNA thing."

Wendy continued, "brave, tough, adventurous, caring guy who puts others before himself. Nothing like any of the guys I've ever dated. I wish more guys were like you."

"Ah I, I," Dipper was having trouble forming words.

"Come to think of it," Wendy lifted her head. "Why bother with a guy whose like you," she used one hand turn Dippers face to look at her and looked him right in the eyes. "When I've got the real you right here."

As they looked into each others eyes, Dipper felt his heart beat so fast it felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. This was a moment he'd dreamed about, give or take a few details. He couldn't think of a thing to say, but then Wendy seemed to lean in. "Gotta use the bathroom!" Dipper nearly shouted, jumping out of Wendys grasp and ran out of the room.

"Okay," Wendy smiled. After a minute of staring at nothing she blinked. "Wait, what smoothy machine?"

The Mystery Shack

Stan and Ford dived over and hid behind an over turned table, where Mabel and Waddles were already hiding as a green light shined. "Are you guys okay?"

"We're fine Mabel." Ford assured her. "Wheres Soos?"

"I sent him on an extremely important mission." Stan explained.

Moments later Soos dived behind the table, holding something close to his body. "I got it Mr Pines!" He held up what the item he had retrieved. "The registers safe."

"Good work Soos." Stan took the register while Ford and Mabel gave him a look. "What? I got a lot of money in here."

They heard a roar and poked their heads over the table to see the machines latest form. Its metal arms were back on either side and had spikes on them. One was holding a chain saw and the other a spike mace on a chain that it was spinning around. Attached to body were green strobe lights that gave off a frightening light. On the front was what looked like a water cannon. On the top there was now two metal dragons heads, the second appeared to have stickers on it and make up.

"Why did you install a second dragon head?" Ford asked. "And why do you have two of them?"

"It was a two for one deal." Soos shrugged.

"I thought if I gave the second head a make over it would be on our side." Mabel said. "You gotta admit, it looks styling."

They all ducked as from the cannon on its chest, it spewed a green substance that hit the table and the wall behind them. "Its firing some kind of toxic sludge at us." Ford gasped.

"Actually," Stan looked closer. "I think that's the smoothy."

Waddles sniffed at the smoothy that had dripped off the wall and onto the floor, before licking some of it up. The pig paused for a few moments before falling on its side with a grunt.

"WADDLES!" Mabel screamed rushing to her pets side. "Speak to me Waddles! Speak to me!" But the pig didn't respond.

"Oh no dude." Soos gasped.

Mabel stood up and with out saying a word grabbed the hammer she'd been using earlier and charged at the machine screaming, "FOR WADDLES!"

Soos and Ford looked at each other before nodding, grabbing a power drill and magnet gun they both joined the charge. "FOR WADDLES!"

"Huh, attacking a rampaging smoothy machine to avenge a pig. I wonder if this is dumber than attacking a pterodactyl to save a pig?" Stan asked himself before shrugging. "Meh." With that he grabbed a baseball bat and charged with the others "FOR THE PIG!"

Corduroy Cabin

Dipper ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and took deep breaths. "Oh man." Going over to the sink, he splashed some water on his face. "Was Wendy really flirting with me? Was it just the gas making her say those things? Or was it just making her say things she really felt deep down?" He shut his eyes and let out a and let out a frustrated grown. "Argh! How is this more complicated than dealing with monsters?!"

"That's easy." Dipper opened his eyes and looked to see Grunkle Stan's face in the mirror. "Like always, your over thinking it."

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" Dipper screamed before jumping back.

"Oh ha ha," Stan rolled his eyes. "Just wait, you'll be lucky to look half this good when you're my age."

"If I live to be that old." Dipper said as his breathing returned to normal. "What are you doing in the mirror?"

"Eh, shoulders were getting crowded ." Stan shrugged. "Besides, I gotta keep this safe." He held up the gold he'd stolen from Bud Gleeful. "Anyway, alone with an older woman in her bedroom. Hehe, didn't know you had it in ya."

"Thanks, but its not as much fun as it sounds." Dipper sighed. "I just don't know what to do. Is it just the gas or did Wendy really mean all those things?"

"That's not true." Stan said.

"Which part?" Dipper asked. "She doesn't feel that or its not just he gas?"

"Not what I'm talking about." Stan crossed his arms. "Those other things don't matter right now cause you do know what to do. Don't cha?"

Dipper stood there for a moment, looking down at the sink as he thought about the situation. "Wendy becoming my girlfriend would literally be a dream come true. But," he looked up at the mirror, "this isn't the right way to do it. If Wendy ever becomes my girlfriend, it'll be because she feels the same way I do. Not because of laughing gas."

Stan smiled, "you integrity kid. Didn't get it from my side of the family, but you got it."

"Thanks. But the question is, what now?" Dipper asked himself. "Wendys still under the gases effects and if I can't just leave her like that. Its like I'm trapped in this situation."

"Life lesson kid," Stan began. "Whenever theres a window and a survivable falling distance to the ground, your never trapped.

"Good to know." Dipper deadpanned.

"Dipper!" Wendy called from her room. "Come back to bed!"

"To bed," he placed a hand under his chin. "That's it! The dentist said take her home and put her to bed. That's one down, but how do I get her to go to sleep?"

"Try telling her a story," Stan shrugged. "Maybe you can bore her to sleep." He laughed.

Dipper narrowed his eyes at him. "Lets see just much control I have over my subconscious" He concentrated for a moment, red and blue lights flashed off from the side of the mirror.

"Wait a second, that's not Blubs and Durland. Its," Mr Mystery squinted his eyes before widening them. " COMPETENT COPS!" He screamed before running away.

Moments later someone in a swat uniform including the riot shield came into view. "Thanks Mrs Ramirez." Dipper said.

The visor was raised revealing the smiling face of Soos'es grandmother, Abuelita Ramirez. "Your welcome. And thank you for such a clean riot shield."

"My pleasure," he smiled before leaving the bathroom.

Abuelita noticed a stain on the mirror and breathed on it before wiping it with a handkerchief. "Much better."

Dipper entered the bedroom and saw Wendy sitting on the bed waiting for him. "Welcome back." She patted the space next to her.

He sat on the bed and turned to her, "Wendy, you are the most awesome girl I've ever met."

"Thanks Dipper," a small blush formed on her cheeks. "That means a lot coming from you." Dipper moved closer and wrapped his arms around Wendy in a hug, which she returned with a smile. The Pines twin began to gently rock them both back and forth. "Mmm," Wendy hummed softly as her eyelids slowly began to fall until her eyes were shut. Dipper continued the rocking motions a little longer before stopping. His plan had worked, Wendy had fallen asleep.

"Now for the hard part." Dipper thought to himself. He moved his feet onto the bed and repositioned his arms , around her back and the other to support her head. He then gently lowered her down until she was lying on her back and slowly moved her arms off of him so she'd wouldn't wake up. Getting down onto the floor, Dipper lifted Wendys feet onto the bed before pulling the blanket up on her. He looked as Wendy sound asleep and gave a small smile. "Sleep tight Wendy."

With his mission completed, Dipper quietly left the house and drove the golf cart home. It didn't take long to get back to the Mystery Shack, "still standing." Dipper smiled. "That's a good sign." He parked the cart and opened the door. "Hey guys I'm-" he paused when he saw that the inside of the shack messed up, everyone looking scraped and their clothes torn. With a large pile of scrap metal on the floor, that Mabel was repeatedly striking with a baseball bat.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" She screamed as she continued to hit the metal.

"Oh hey Dipper." Soos waved.

"What happened?" Dipper looked around at the mess.

"That's a long and complicated story." Stan began.

He raised an eyebrow. "The smoothy machine went crazy didn't it?"

"Exactly." Ford nodded.

Mabel stopped attacking the scraps to take a breath before dropping the bat and rushing over to her pig. "Waddles!" She dropped to her knees. "Please wake up." She had tears in her eyes and screamed. "DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"Mabel!" Stan covered his ears. "Not so loud. You wanna wake the dead, again?"

"Wait what?" Ford asked.

"Actually," Dipper spoke up. "That one was my bad."

"Hey dudes look!" Soos got their attention and pointed to Waddles who began to stir.

"Waddles?" Mabel looked on as the pig sat up, no worse for wear. "WADDLES!" She hugged the pig close as tightly as she could. "Your alive!" She held the pig out in front of her. "I was so scare-" She was cut off when Waddles spewed a stream of vomit into Mabels face. Everyone cringed as the pig continued to puke for a full thirty seconds before finally stopping.

"Ah, Mabel?" Stan asked.

The Mystery twin blinked and to everyone's surprise, she smiled. "I never thought I'd be so happy to be covered in pig barf again." She hugged Waddles again.

"Again?" Ford raised an eyebrow. "Has this happened before?"

"Last year at the county fair." Dipper explained. "Mabel fed a prize winning pig what she thought was cotton candy, but was really a rodeo clown wig."

"Hey it was in an honest mistake." Mabel defended.

"Wait a minute." Stan spotted something. He grabbed a metal rod and poked something amiss the pig barf. "My car keys!"

"Its not that surprising." Ford placed a hand under his chin. "Pigs can eat anything edible in large quantities with no ill effects. Its only if they consume something inedible that causes they empty the contents of the stomachs."

"Which begs the question," Soos mirrored Fords stance. "What was in smoothy stuff?"

They all turned to Stan who was trying to wipe the barf off his keys. "When did it even get near my keys?" He then noticed everyone looking at him. "I'm not gonna lie, and for once I mean that. I have no idea."

Dipper shook his head. "It's the air conditioner flame thrower all over again."

"Doesn't matter now." Stan kicked what remained of the smoothy machine. "Things a pile of scrap."

"Yeah," Soos nodded. "I don't think even twenty Soos'es would be able to fix this thing."

"Why would you want to?" Ford asked.

"Okay Mabel, stop hugging the pig and clean yourselves up." Stan said.

"I can hug and clean." With that she carried Waddles away to the bathroom to wash off the barf.

"Soos, Ford," He got their attention, "get those pieces off the floor. Should be able to sell em for scrap, or to some dumb tourist."

"Sure thing Mr Pines." Soos smiled.

"Fine, if only to see if any of my upgrades are salvageable." Ford conceded.

"Dipper, you can clean up this pig vomit before it stains and leaves a stink." Mr Mystery gestured to the barf that had fallen and dripped onto the floor. "Hold on," he pulled a card out of it. "My drivers license? What else did eat?" He took out his wallet and checked its contents.

"Not a chance," Dipper crossed his arms. "When Mabel first brought Waddles home, I made it clear was not cleaning up after him."

"Quit complaining," Stan put his wallet away. "While you've been slacking off in the golf cart, I spent the day nearly getting killed by an evil smoothy machine."

"Slacking off?" Dipper narrowed his eyes. "I've to deal with a way out of it Wendy, a faulty mechanical bull, cops, bikers, pranks, fires, jerk managers, and a ton of less then helpful hallucinations! Well, the last one of you kinda gave me some good advice. Technically it was just part of my subconscious, but still though, thanks."

"Ah, don't mention it." Stan blinked in confusion. "But you still gotta clean this up."

Dipper thought for a moment, then smiled. "Shouldn't we put out that fire first?"

"What fire?" Stan asked.

"The one thats burning the cash register." Dipper pointed off to the side.

"WHAT!?" Stan looked but saw the register was fine. "Wait, theres no fire." He turned to Dipper only to find him gone. "Dipper?"

"Oh yeah," the Mystery twin called out from somewhere. "If anybody calls about stuff not being paid for, I'm not here."

"Gah! There it is again!" Stand growled in frustration. "I'm, proud of him." He looked at the barf on the floor. "Oh well, only one thing to do now. Soos! Leave the scrap and clean up this vomit before it dries!"

"You got it Mr Pines." Soos called back.

Stan then spotted something else in the barf and lifted it up with the rod, as well as a second item. "Pearls and a watch?" They were indeed a gold Rolex and a very expensive looking pearl necklace. "Eh, least I can sell these."

 **And so Dipper got Wendy home safe after all. Don't worry folks, there will be an epilogue. Oh and be sure to vote on the new poll on my profile.**


	6. Epilogue

**The final chapter of Gassed and Confused. Its been a fun story to write and I'm glad to see so many people had fun reading it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or any of its characters.**

 **Gassed and Confused**

 **Epilogue**

When night came, the Pine twins were in their beds. Mabel was cuddling with Waddles who she did not want to be away from after what he went through earlier.

Dipper was laying in his bed thinking about the day he'd had. "Crazy even by Gravity Falls standards."

"You said it man," said a familiar voice. He turned his head to see Wendy, dressed as a firefighter, fire axe in hand. "Sup?"

"Oh hi hallucination of Wendy," Dipper greeted. "So, firefighter huh?"

"Yeah, I think its cause lumberjack and firefighter have one thing in common." She held up the fire axe. "Both use axes."

"You do know how to use axe." Dipper shrugged. "And hey, it's a good look on you."

Thanks." She smirked slyly. "But I'm guessing its not what you normally imagine me wearing?"

Dippers eyes widened and he blushed slightly. "What? I, I ah."

"Wanna know a secret?" She asked and beckoned him to lean in before whispering. "I got nothing on under this jacket."

Dipper blushed brighter than ever. "Uuhhh."

Suddenly Wendy burst out laughing. "Oh man, you should have seen the look on your face."

"Mocked by my own subconscious," Dipper said. "Not the first time today."

Soos appeared in his hotdog costume. "Come on dude," he chuckled, "she got you good."

Then Devil Mabel appeared, "yeah she did." She laughed before asking, "I missed the joke, what was it?"

"Don't worry about it." Dipper said.

"Dipper," he looked over to see Mabel had woken up. "Who are you taking to?"

"Oh just some hallucinations caused by inhaling some of the gas from the dentists office." Dipper said casually.

"Oh, okay." Mabel yawned.

"Dipper!" Devil Mabel got his attention. "Tell real me I said hi!"

The Pines twin shrugged. "Hey Mabel," he got her attention. "The tiny hallucination of you says hi."

"Oh, well tell her I said hi back." Mabel smiled. "How does hallucination me look?"

Dipper looked at the hallucination of his sister before smiling at the real one, "adorable."

"Knew it." Mabel smiled before hugging Waddles. "Night Dipper, night imaginary people Dippers seeing." With that she turned over and went sleep.

"Can you guys give us a minute?" Wendy asked.

"Sure," Soos nodded. "Come on Mabel, lets see if we can find where Mr Pines is hiding."

"I hope he still has that gold." Mabel said hopefully. "Then once we find him, ICE CREAM AND PIZZA FOREVER!" With that she disappeared is puff of smoke.

Dipper and Wendy looked at Soos who was still here. "Hold on," he concentrated. "Just a second." He concentrated harder. "I swear this never happens." A puff of smoke spewed out the rear of his costume. "Oh hehe, excuse me." Soos blushed before disappearing as well.

"Anyway," Wendy began. "You good today. I know that wasn't easy, especially at the end."

"Wendy I'd never-" Dipper began but she cut him off.

"I know man." Wendy smiled. "I may be a hallucination, I think can safely say that the real me, would have given you a kiss for it."

Dipper blushed and scratched the back of his head. "Thanks. You know, the gas will have worked its way out of my system when I wake up. So, your gonna be the last of my hallucinations."

"We had a good run," she shrugged. "Guess its back to your dreams for me. Just try and keep em PG-13 okay?" Dipper blushed at what she meant and she laughed. "Got cha."

Dipper frowned, but then smiled. "Good one."

"Later Dipper." With that she disappeared.

Dipper looked at the spot for a moment and thought about the day he'd had. With a happy sigh he lay down and went to sleep.

When morning came Dipper found he was the only one awake and decided to let everyone else sleep after what happened yesterday. He got dressed and ate some breakfast before Soos arrived, "morning Soos."

"Morning Dude." He smiled.

"How are you holding up after yesterday?" Dipper asked.

"It was a real eye opening experience," he said with wide eyes. "Metal Dragon heads may look awesome, cause they are, but they are also dangerous." Soos took out his phone. "So from now on, I'm sticking with metal tiger heads." He showed a picture of an add for a metal tiger head that was 20% off.

"Ah sure, much safer." Dipper blinked.

The door to the shack opened and Wendy walked in. "Hey guys."

"Hey Wendy," Dipper smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she smiled back, "thanks."

"Your, early." Soos looked at the clock in disbelief. "You sure your okay?"

"Not on purpose, I swear." She shrugged before pointing over her shoulder, "but I did get a lift."

"OW!" Manly Dan hit his head as he squeezed through the doorway. "Why are doorways so small!?" He spotted Dipper and pointed at him, "You!" He stomped over till he was in front of him, towering over Dipper and casting a large shadow.

Dipper gulped, "yes?"

"Wendy told me what happened yesterday." He narrowed his making Dipper begin to sweat. "You were the one who brought her home yesterday." Manly Dan held out his large hand, "I wanted to thank you for getting my daughter home safe."

"Oh," Dipper blinked in surprise, having expected something else. "No problem," he shook his hand. "I was happy to helAHH!" Manly Dan shook so hard Dipper was actually lifted off the ground for a few seconds before the hand shake stopped.

"Huh, I pictured something totally different." Soos said to himself. "Oh well," he left the room.

"I'll see you later Wendy." Manly Dan smiled at his daughter. "Its take out night and since you were so good at the dentist and only broke a door, you get to pick where we order from."

"Sweet," Wendy smiled back. "Later Dad."

Manly Dan smiled before hitting his head on the door frame again. "OW!" He squeezed through the door, nearly knocking over Bud Gleeful as he went.

"Morning Manly Dan." He tipped his hat to him before entering the Mystery Shack. "Ah Dipper and Wendy, good to see your both okay." He approached the two. "I wanted stop by personally to give you your prizes." He handed Dipper an envelope.

"Thanks," he opened it to find multiple coupons each for free pizza with choice of toppings. "Free pizza, cool."

"Oh and heres a, little something extra." Bud handed each of them a fifty dollar bill. "A little apology for yesterday. So how about we all just forget about that little incident with the mechanical bull?"

Wendy raised an eyebrow. "What mechanical bull?"

"Exactly." Bud winked.

Suddenly Stan ran into the room and looked around. "I heard something about money and free stuff."

Dipper and Wendy discreetly hid their coupons and money in their pockets. "I didn't hear anything." Wendy said. "You hear anything Dipper?"

"Nope," he shook his head. "Better question Grunkle Stan, where are your pants?"

Mr Mystery was dressed in usual suit minus his pants, leaving his boxers in plain sight. "Huh," he looked down scratching his head. "I had a feeling I was missing something."

"Howdy there Stan," Bud greeted him.

"Yeah hi," Stan replied half heartedly. "Look Gleeful this isn't a social club, you gonna buy something or what?"

"I don't believe I will. I actually have to get going anyway." Bud said. "But word around town is that theres trouble at the Northwest mansion."

"What do you mean?" Wendy asked.

"Apparently, Northwest and the Mrs lost both a expensive pearl necklace and a very expensive gold Rolex watch." Bud explained.

"Ha, couldn't of happened to better people." Dipper smirked.

"Have a good day folks." Bud tipped his hat and left the shack.

Dipper then noticed the large grin Stan had on his face. "Ah Grunkle Stan, are you okay?"

"Yep." Stan said. "Never better."

The Pines twin raised an eyebrow. "You didn't have anything to do with the Northwests stuff going missing, did you?"

"Hey I didn't steal that stuff." Stan said. "Huh, feels weird saying that honestly."

"Hey Grunkle Stan," Mabel walked in. "I think you skipped a step when you were getting dressed," she chuckled.

Stan rolled his eyes, "your hilarious kid." With that he walked past her.

"I know," she smiled. "Hey Wendy, how are your teeth?"

"Better thanks." Wendy smiled. "Hows Waddles? I heard he had a bad smoothy experience."

"That depends if that stuff can classified as a smoothy." Dipper pointed out. "Which I highly doubt."

"Waddles is feeling much better now." Mabel smiled. "This morning I brought him breakfast in bed."

Back in the Mystery twins room, Waddles was sitting on Mabel's bed with a breakfast tray in front of him with toast, scrambled eggs, a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice. He knocked over the juice and the cereal soaking everything else and began eating the soggy breakfast.

"Hey Mr Pines?" Soos could be heard talking. "Your pants are missing."

"I don't pay you to point out the obvious Soos." Stan said. "Get back to work."

"You got it." He rejoined the others. "So Dipper, what did Wendy get up to yesterday?" He asked.

Dipper looked surprised, "what?"

"Come on dude. All Corduroys go crazy after a trip to the dentist." Soos pointed out. "No offence Wendy."

"None taken," she shrugged. "Not like it's a big secret."

"Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!" Mabel insisted.

"Okay," Dipper gave in. "It went like this." he proceeded to tell them about the previous day.

"Seriously?" Wendy asked in surprise. "I knocked out the manager at the movie theatre?"

Dipper nodded, "with one punch."

"Whoa, actually that might explain this text from Thompson thanking me for getting him his manager job back." Wendy looked at her phone.

"Good for him." Soos smiled.

"As long as he stays off the popcorn butter. Am I right?" Dipper joked and they all laughed.

"I like how you managed to prank Durland three times." Mabel chuckled.

"Aw man I wish I could remember it." Wendy then got a idea. "Hey, maybe we could pull some new pranks on him and Blubbs."

"Lets give it some time." Dipper said. "At least until Durland gets out of that trash can." They all laughed at that.

"Well, I'd better check on Waddles," Mabel spoke up. "Once hes finished eating its time for his shiatsu massage."

Soos raised an eyebrow. "What is shiatsu?"

"No idea," she shrugged. "But how hard can it be?" With that she headed upstairs to check on her pig.

"Mabels got such a big heart." Wendy observed. "Waddles is one lucky pig."

Suddenly Stanford walked in. "Ah Soos there you are. I've isolated which parts are the upgrades I used from the wreckage of the smoothy machine. I need and extra pair of hands to help me disconnect them properly."

"Sure," Soos took a screwdriver from his tool belt. "I helped put that thing together, this should be a snap."

"Just as long as theres no metal dragon heads involved." Ford said.

"Oh don't worry," Soos raised his hands. "I'm done with those."

"Good," Ford nodded. "Follow me."

"What metal dragon heads?" Wendy asked.

"Your better off not knowing." Stanford said. "Trust me."

As they left the room Soos asked, "how do you feel about tigers?"

Now that he and Wendy were alone, Dipper decided to ask. "Hey Wendy, do remember anything from yesterday?"

"Well," Wendy looked ahead, "kind of but its like flashes. I see a fire, people fighting, explosions and one where it looked like I was flying through the air. It feels like I missed an awesome party," she chuckled.

"Well like with any party, the important thing is we didn't have to clean up afterwards." Dipper quipped and they both laughed.

"There is one thing," her voice became serious, catching Dipper off guard. "When we got to my place," the Pines twin gulped at her serious expression. "You didn't see any axes made out of candy, did you?"

Dipper blinked, "the candy axes?"

"Yeah," she looked to the side. "I know I had one left."

"Oh, well not anymore." Dipper began. "You ate it yesterday."

"Huh," her serious expression vanished. "I was positive one of my brothers ate it." They were silent for a moment before Wendy spoke. "Listen Dipper, I wanted to say thanks for looking after me yesterday."

"Oh, don't mention it." He waved it off. "It was no problem."

"Come on man," her voice was serious again. "I mean, I know I wasn't as bad as my Dad when hes under the gas. I never climbed a construction site and threw barrels at people."

"Are you serious?" Dipper asked with wide eyes.

Wendy shrugged. "They're not always barrels. But I know I was out of control and hard to deal with. You know, not everyone would have stuck with me and kept me safe the whole time." She turned to him, "but you did."

Dipper smiled. "You can always count on me Wendy."

"I really can." Wendy nodded. "Helping me out here at the shack, saving me from teen hating ghosts or getting me home safe. Your always there for me." She turned to him and smiled. "Dipper, you're the most awesome guy I've ever met."

Dipper blushed a little and scratched the back of his head. "Thanks Wendy."

The two of them looked at each other until the moment was interrupted. "I found my pants, but now my shoes are missing." Stan walked in wearing pants but with just his socks. "What the heck could have happened to them?"

Upstairs in the Mystery twins room, Mabel had Stan's shoes on her hands and was using them to gently press on Waddles back. "Now that's what I call a shiat-shoe massage." She laughed. "Grunkle Stan was right, I am hilarious."

"Meh, I'll find em later." Stan shrugged. "Now listen up. Theres people in town that's giving away free movie tickets."

"Sweet." Wendy smiled.

"Yep," Stan nodded and help up a pamphlet. "All you got do is sit through a four hour presentation about the danger of Big-Hand."

Dipper blinked. "Do you mean Bigfoot?"

"No. Apparently Big-Hand is a totally different creature and much more aggressive. That's why afterwards they'll be selling anti Big-Hand devices and Big-Hand insurance." Stan explained.

"Grunkle Stan that sounds a lot like those trips you get for free you just so they can try and sell you a time share." Dipper pointed out.

"Oh no, its exactly that." Stan confirmed. "And the people in this town are so dumb they'll buy the whole thing, and whatever else theyre selling."

Wendy took the pamphlet and read it. "Big-Hand. Hyphenated because hes that dangerous." She looked at her boss. "Are you seriously gonna sit through this just for some movie tickets?"

"Course not." Stan shook his head. "You two are."

"What?" They both gasped.

"I'm way to busy to listen to some clown yack on and on about whatever I wasn't listening to in the first place." Stan said. "Plus by sending two of you, its double the tickets."

"Hey I got stuff to do two." Wendy put her hands on her hips.

"Sorry to take you away from your magazines." Stan said sarcastically.

"I don't have any magazines." Wendy said. "I take my job seriously." She slammed the pamphlet on the counter and seconds later several magazines fell out from behind it. "Those aren't mine."

"Yeah, your just holding them for a friend." Stan rolled his eyes.

"Grunkle Stan this is clearly a scam." Dipper said.

"Obviously." Mr Mystery crossed his arms. "I've seen and pulled enough to recognise one from miles away. They lure you in with the free stuff, but then they sucker you into buying so much garbage, they make a killing."

"Then why go anywhere near them?" Dipper asked.

"Free stuff is free stuff." Stan shrugged. "Now no more complaining. As your boss," he pointed at Wendy, "and your great uncle," he pointed at Dipper. "I'm ordering both of you to go to that stupid presentation and pretend to listen to some schmuck talking about something only the people in this town are dumb enough to fall for and get those free movie tickets."

"Fine." The two of them sighed in defeat.

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call someone about selling certain items with out a lot of questions." Stan noticed the two of them giving him looks. "Items which I did NOT steal. That may or may not belong to certain people I don't like and its their own fault for losing them to a dumb yet beloved family pet."

Dipper and Wendy were both confused. "Huh?"

"Get back to work!" Stan said suddenly. "You leave for the presentation in an hour." With that he left the room.

Dipper blinked. "Something tells me I don't want to solve the mystery of what hes talking about."

"Good call." Wendy nodded.

An hour later Dipper and Wendy left the Mystery Shack and headed towards the golf cart. "Isn't this gonna be exciting?" Dipper said sarcastically.

"Tell me about it." Wendy agreed. "Hey, how about we skip this lame scam and go do something fun?"

This surprised Dipper, "really?"

"Yeah, lifes too short to waste four hours of it on this garbage." She held up the pamphlet.

"Agreed, but what about when we get back and Stan asks the movie tickets?" Dipper asked.

"We'll just say they were expired." Wendy shrugged.

Dipper blinked. "Wow, that's perfect."

"Yep," she smiled. "Now lets head into town and see what trouble we can get into."

"Sounds like fun." Dipper smiled. They both got into the golf cart and drove away from the Mystery Shack. "You know considering how many people fall for this Big-Hand scam, there might not be many people around town."

"I feel sorry for anyone who gets suckered in by that." Wendy said.

"Stuck in a long boring presentation about something that's not even real." Dipper shook his head. "Boy we really dodged a bullet there."

"I don't know." Wendy shrugged. "Sounds like a great time for a nap. Course if I have any trouble, I can always count on you to rock me to sleep again."

"Sure, no problem." He nodded. Dipper kept looking forward for a few seconds before he realised what Wendy just said. "What!?" He looked at her in shock. "You remember that?"

The golf cart came to a stop. "Yep," she nodded with a smile on her face.

His eyes widened. "Everything?"

Her smile grew. "The whole thing."

"Even what happened," Dipper gulped, "on your bed?"

Wendy didn't respond and just sat there smiling at him for a moment. Then she leaned in and closed her eyes before kissing Dipper on the lips. Dipper's eyes almost popped out of head and his face became nearly as red as Wendys hair. He could have sworn his cap flew off of his head before landing back on it. Dipper wasn't sure how long the kiss had lasted for when Wendy finally broke it. She smiled at him. "That answer your question?"

"Yep," Dippers voice broke greatly. "Now wh," he coughed to get his voice back to normal. "Now what?"

"What do you wanna do?" Wendy asked.

Dippers mind was racing as he tried to process what just happened and figure out what to say and what they should do. But then he remembered what the hallucination of Grunkle Stan in the mirror told him, "Always over thinking it." Taking a breath, Dipper smiled. "Lets have some fun."

Wendy smiled back. "Sounds like a plan." With that they started driving again.

Dipper held Wendys free hand and even though neither of them said anything, they shared a look that told them it was going to be a great day.

 **And so ends my first Gravity Falls story, I hope you all enjoyed it. I worked hard to keep everyone in character. Be sure to vote on the poll on my profile.**


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